One--just one--reason I've been awarded a moniker worthy of taped-together glasses is this: reading manuals on grammar, style and punctuation gives me absurd joy. They make me thrill at each turn of the page and guffaw (at bad examples) as I plow through chapters with the eagerness of a drunk whose alcohol has taught her to sing. My husband, who believes most reading can (and should be) accomplished during a bathroom visit, finds this comically disturbing.
"You read that thing like a novel," he'll say, recoiling from a passage about commas. "That's disgusting!"
By now, the more astute readers out there will have noted (as evidenced in this blog) that reading books on writing does not insure perfection. So, why do I read them? I read books on how to writing as a form of immersion therapy; I hope that one day it will all sink in and I will emerge at the end of each book miraculously transformed, perfect in style and form. This is probably because, in addition to being geeky, I am also delusional.
But I live in hope. In short, I will always make mistakes. So far, I bet I've accomplished at least 1,238.5 atrocities against my mother tongue in this blog alone. Assuming you are mortal, you will make lots of mistakes too. So count on them. Start off recklessly. Speed along like the new owner of a McLaren F1 out on an remote highway for the first time. Then, go back to the beginning. Go over your work with the obedience of a driver inching through a speed trap in front of a preschool.
I mention this because there are a few myths I find among aspiring writers:
Myth # 1: Editing is a waste of time. It takes away from the essence of my unique message.
I have met many writers who just don't see the value of editing what they have written. I'm sure there's some good stuff in your first draft. But, chances are, it can be way better. Editing is like the difference between a chunk of coal and a cut diamond. For the average writer, it takes patience, pressure, and a lot of cutting to get your work to shine.
Myth # 2: There must be a short-cut around learning grammar. I've met others who don't wish to be bothered with the basics of English, yet feel compelled to write. If you are writing for anyone but yourself, do your readers a favor and at least attempt to learn the basics. It may be inconvenient, but it's nothing compared to the agony of writing without, say, commas. (I've actually given feedback for a writer who avoided commas as if they carried leprosy. As a result, reading her prose was hilarious, only for unfortunate reasons.)
Myth # 3: I edited it, now it's done. Plan on editing your work, not once, but twenty or more times. If your goal is publishing, make sure to edit multiple times, ideally on multiple days. Edit once and you might kill your chances of publication by overlooking mistakes you could have easily fixed.
Once is not enough. In fact, one person is not enough. Get other people to read and edit your work in progress. You don't have to take all the advice you get, but it's a crucial step. Editing your own work is like cutting your own hair; there will be some things you just can't see for yourself. We all have blind spots. So get someone else to help you see yours.
For those of you looking for great books on good writing, check out the list below. They are a few of the tomes I tuck under my pillow at night when I want to make my husband jealous--or horrified.
Suggested Reading for Aspiring Logophiles:
Eats, Shoots & Leaves : The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation - Lynne Truss
The Transitive Vampire: Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed - Karen Elizabeth Gordon
Bird by Bird - Anne LaMott
The First Five Pages - Noah Lukeman
The Elements of Style - Wm. Strunk & EB White
The Elements of Story - Francis Flaherty
What do you do when you have an editorial 911 and nary a grammar book is in sight?
Try Grammar Girl online. (She also has a book, should you prefer your grammar the old-fashioned way.) I think of her as the patron saint of obscure punctuation marks.
These resources have helped me and made me laugh all at the same time. Hopefully, they have made me a better writer, too, although I still have far to go...
Stay tuned for installment # 4 (coming soon to a monitor near you)
